Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Regrets

 I was boring myself reading Facebook statuses when I thought of my wife, what I always wanted to tell her. I found myself writing a letter, a short one, informing her that I will be back in the Philippines a month from now. It’s a short letter though, giving her my flight details, how I missed my kids. I never said I love you.

Time flew so fast I followed where those voices were coming, my son and daughter. God, I knew I was home. I missed them so much. I gazed at my wife. She’s quiet, and she's still the same Susan that she was 2 years ago. Boring sight.

It’s the same routine. For me, there’s nothing special at all. I spent most of my time with friends, drinking and partying all night. All I want was to reach home drunk.

Until I received a much-awaited text message from my “virtual friend.” She’s home. I was so excited I even picked her up at the airport.

I seldom went home when Ricci arrived. I was so happy I was treated sweetly all the time. Sex, food, Sex, food. What more could I asked for.

Whenever I went home, I got hard with my wife. We never talked. She was quiet all the time.

Exactly two weeks before my flight back to Japan, I was watching TV then. I noticed my wife quietly cleaned the house, changed curtains, and swept the floor. I was just looking at her. I noticed she lost weight. I didn’t care.

And then I thought of Ricci, and started to compare my wife to her. Ricci is sophisticated, sexy and dress well. My wife, she’s very simple. She’s thin. What a boring topic whenever I thought of my wife.

I finished taking a shower when I noticed a small folded paper on top of the bed side table.

It’s a short note from Susan.

                “Please be home tonight. I’ll prepare something special.”

My eyebrows rose. “What is something special to celebrate?” I thought.

I went out that afternoon and reached home around 11 PM. I saw her sitting in the dining table. There were like 5 dishes prepared and an almost half candle was lit up.

She looked like she cried a lot. She was devastated, but when she saw me coming, she smiled at me, wiping the tears that started falling again. She tried standing up to approach me but she seemed so weak, she sat again.

And then I noticed a round cake beside her.

“Happy 28th Anniversary, Honey, “It says.

How could I forget our anniversary? It supposed to be a special day for us, but why didn’t I care?

She tried her best to stand up and turned the DVD player on. She asked me to join her watch a movie.

I joined her. She held my hand and laid her head to my shoulder.

It is not a movie. It’s our pre-nuptial video. We had so much fun back then. We were so sweet making faces to each other, cracking up jokes and laughed out loud like nobody cares.

I felt that my shoulders were wet. I looked at her. She was crying quietly. I asked her what’s wrong.

“I love you, honey. You’re the only one that I want to spend my life with.” She said.

I didn’t look at her for few minutes. Why is she talking like this when I’m about to tell her I’m gonna leave her soon because of Ricci?

I felt her cold hands putting something on my pocket.

I looked at her. She was pale. Unconscious.

I found myself in front of the big Emergency Room. The doctor met me and told me that they were just waiting for the time. She has brain cancer. I was totally shocked.

I went inside her room and looked at her unconscious body.

“What is wrong with you?! You lied to me! You never told me you’re sick all the time! I hate you!!!” I wanted to blame her, but nothing came out from my mouth.

I remembered the piece of paper she handed me last night. I read through it:
           
        “Honey,

I know everything between you and someone else. I felt it. I know that someday, you’ll find someone not as boring as I am. I am just waiting you to tell me.
I’m sorry if I haven’t told you that I’m sick. I don’t want to hurt you. You’ll be happier, I bet you will. Take care of our kids.
I love you. I always will.

          Love, honey”

I cried sheepishly. Then it all came back to me, why I marry Susan. All the simplicity that I loved before was different from Ricci.

I noticed she was moaning. She’s conscious. I held her hand and brought it to my lips. All I can say was how sorry I was.

She tried hard to speak. She said everything’s gonna be alright and smiled meekly at me. I never stopped crying.

                “I love you,” I said.

She breathed heavily. I could feel she held my hand so tight at that time.

                “I heard you hon,” she said.
                “Don’t leave me, honey. I will never leave you anymore,” I told her.

There were teardrops that I saw from her eyes.

                “I love you too, honey.” And she closed her eyes.

It was her birthday. Our anniversary date. I lit up the candles that my grown-up kids prepared when we visited her.

Somehow, I’ve broken a vow. Cheating made me lose her.

I kept my promise though. I never leave the country anymore, and took care of our kids. I regret how I lost someone without showing how much I love her the first time. She blew me away. It was love at first sight..

2 comments:

  1. I've surfed the net more than three hours today, and your blog was the coolest of all. Thanks a lot, it is really useful to me
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  2. thank you. been out of blogging for a long time and I think I should be back.. :)

    ReplyDelete

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