Reasons, Intuitions, Decisions

I never thought that quitting will be an expected word that comes from me. I loudly say that to myself and to anyone who knows me, I never quit --- unless it is needed. This time, it's not about work. It's about a vice that many of us hardly say No, I cannot.

I CANNOT quit smoking. It is part of my independent life, my work stress reliever, my drinking bud, my social life partner. 

I smoke almost everyday. At home, I smoke while cooking, after the meal or when I'm reporting to the Captain Restroom. 

I smoke twice during my break and during lunch times with my guy friends.I smoke before going home.

I smoke so hard when I'm in a drinking session, when meeting with long lost friends.

I smoke so very hard when I quit my day job and concentrated working at home. I smoke to release stress.

Whatever reason behind my smoking career, I'm almost near my Cum Laude stage of Lung Cancer award.

Not until I moved to my parent's house. 

I knew for a fact that upon moving, I will lose my sizzling and smoking friend. 

This is not a decision that I really wanted. I stay here at their place because I need to, not because I want to.

My decision of quitting smoking is not a real decision in my mind. 

My first day of quitting was my first day of staying and moving here -- that's two weeks before December of last year ended.

Up until now, my nicotine-free lifestyle continues by decision. And now, whatever symptoms listed in any quit smoking campains are those things that happened to me, specially Coughing. 

I coughed hard during night and I think it's really hard to quit. I wanted to end coughing as well since it's really hard and shameful to other people. 

I'm crazy to feel bad about really quitting. Do I deserve this? When will it stop? 

I'm quitting already. Quit me.