Regrets

 I was boring myself reading Facebook statuses when I thought of my wife, what I always wanted to tell her. I found myself writing a letter, a short one, informing her that I will be back in the Philippines a month from now. It’s a short letter though, giving her my flight details, how I missed my kids. I never said I love you.

Time flew so fast I followed where those voices were coming, my son and daughter. God, I knew I was home. I missed them so much. I gazed at my wife. She’s quiet, and she's still the same Susan that she was 2 years ago. Boring sight.

It’s the same routine. For me, there’s nothing special at all. I spent most of my time with friends, drinking and partying all night. All I want was to reach home drunk.

Until I received a much-awaited text message from my “virtual friend.” She’s home. I was so excited I even picked her up at the airport.

I seldom went home when Ricci arrived. I was so happy I was treated sweetly all the time. Sex, food, Sex, food. What more could I asked for.

Whenever I went home, I got hard with my wife. We never talked. She was quiet all the time.

Exactly two weeks before my flight back to Japan, I was watching TV then. I noticed my wife quietly cleaned the house, changed curtains, and swept the floor. I was just looking at her. I noticed she lost weight. I didn’t care.

And then I thought of Ricci, and started to compare my wife to her. Ricci is sophisticated, sexy and dress well. My wife, she’s very simple. She’s thin. What a boring topic whenever I thought of my wife.

I finished taking a shower when I noticed a small folded paper on top of the bed side table.

It’s a short note from Susan.

                “Please be home tonight. I’ll prepare something special.”

My eyebrows rose. “What is something special to celebrate?” I thought.

I went out that afternoon and reached home around 11 PM. I saw her sitting in the dining table. There were like 5 dishes prepared and an almost half candle was lit up.

She looked like she cried a lot. She was devastated, but when she saw me coming, she smiled at me, wiping the tears that started falling again. She tried standing up to approach me but she seemed so weak, she sat again.

And then I noticed a round cake beside her.

“Happy 28^th Anniversary, Honey, “It says.

How could I forget our anniversary? It supposed to be a special day for us, but why didn’t I care?

She tried her best to stand up and turned the DVD player on. She asked me to join her watch a movie.

I joined her. She held my hand and laid her head to my shoulder.

It is not a movie. It’s our pre-nuptial video. We had so much fun back then. We were so sweet making faces to each other, cracking up jokes and laughed out loud like nobody cares.

I felt that my shoulders were wet. I looked at her. She was crying quietly. I asked her what’s wrong.

“I love you, honey. You’re the only one that I want to spend my life with.” She said.

I didn’t look at her for few minutes. Why is she talking like this when I’m about to tell her I’m gonna leave her soon because of Ricci?

I felt her cold hands putting something on my pocket.

I looked at her. She was pale. Unconscious.

I found myself in front of the big Emergency Room. The doctor met me and told me that they were just waiting for the time. She has brain cancer. I was totally shocked.

I went inside her room and looked at her unconscious body.

“What is wrong with you?! You lied to me! You never told me you’re sick all the time! I hate you!!!” I wanted to blame her, but nothing came out from my mouth.

I remembered the piece of paper she handed me last night. I read through it:
           

        “Honey,

I know everything between you and someone else. I felt it. I know that someday, you’ll find someone not as boring as I am. I am just waiting you to tell me.

I’m sorry if I haven’t told you that I’m sick. I don’t want to hurt you. You’ll be happier, I bet you will. Take care of our kids.

I love you. I always will.

          Love, honey”

I cried sheepishly. Then it all came back to me, why I marry Susan. All the simplicity that I loved before was different from Ricci.

I noticed she was moaning. She’s conscious. I held her hand and brought it to my lips. All I can say was how sorry I was.

She tried hard to speak. She said everything’s gonna be alright and smiled meekly at me. I never stopped crying.

                “I love you,” I said.

She breathed heavily. I could feel she held my hand so tight at that time.

                “I heard you hon,” she said.

                “Don’t leave me, honey. I will never leave you anymore,” I told her.

There were teardrops that I saw from her eyes.

                “I love you too, honey.” And she closed her eyes.

It was her birthday. Our anniversary date. I lit up the candles that my grown-up kids prepared when we visited her.

Somehow, I’ve broken a vow. Cheating made me lose her.

I kept my promise though. I never leave the country anymore, and took care of our kids. I regret how I lost someone without showing how much I love her the first time. She blew me away. It was love at first sight..

One Cold Morning..

I locked the door and removed my tops. Oh, I can still feel how cold the rain was outside. I was dripping when I got home.

I was too sleepy that time but I was awakened by the swollen tears of heaven.

Where the hell is my umbrella?

I opened the window and stretched my two hands, welcomed the drizzles running in my window pane. And yes, I experienced Malaysia rain.

Just like the old times, I carelessly smoked one of the 2 pcs. Marlboro lights in my hand, with only my black bra on. I was like looking at the poolside when I noticed there were some movements at the condo unit in front on me.

There were some people watching me.

I ignored them. I can see there are 2 or more heads sneaking, hiding at some of the hanging towels in the window.

I purposely put the cigarette on my lips, tongue ring played towards its filter while I innocently looked at the window.

I am making these guys aroused as early as 6AM. So I thought.

I made an eye to eye contact with one of the guys and he didn't look away. I finished my cigarrette as fast as I can and turned around, looked again and penetrated their mind, saying, "Yeah baby, crave for more.."

I indulged the feeling of harrassing them in my own naughty way. I prepared my bed and lied down, oh I missed it so much, I didn't notice it's more than 10 hours before I overused my pillow.

I was thinking kinky again, with this unpredictable Malaysia weather, I was thinking about moving my fingers around...crawling towards the end of the bed as I search for the blanket and turned the lights away......<more?>

and I mean it..

For people who flew away but still loves strongly and care...

Reasons, Intuitions, Decisions

I never thought that quitting will be an expected word that comes from me. I loudly say that to myself and to anyone who knows me, I never quit --- unless it is needed. This time, it's not about work. It's about a vice that many of us hardly say No, I cannot.

I CANNOT quit smoking. It is part of my independent life, my work stress reliever, my drinking bud, my social life partner. 

I smoke almost everyday. At home, I smoke while cooking, after the meal or when I'm reporting to the Captain Restroom. 

I smoke twice during my break and during lunch times with my guy friends.I smoke before going home.

I smoke so hard when I'm in a drinking session, when meeting with long lost friends.

I smoke so very hard when I quit my day job and concentrated working at home. I smoke to release stress.

Whatever reason behind my smoking career, I'm almost near my Cum Laude stage of Lung Cancer award.

Not until I moved to my parent's house. 

I knew for a fact that upon moving, I will lose my sizzling and smoking friend. 

This is not a decision that I really wanted. I stay here at their place because I need to, not because I want to.

My decision of quitting smoking is not a real decision in my mind. 

My first day of quitting was my first day of staying and moving here -- that's two weeks before December of last year ended.

Up until now, my nicotine-free lifestyle continues by decision. And now, whatever symptoms listed in any quit smoking campains are those things that happened to me, specially Coughing. 

I coughed hard during night and I think it's really hard to quit. I wanted to end coughing as well since it's really hard and shameful to other people. 

I'm crazy to feel bad about really quitting. Do I deserve this? When will it stop? 

I'm quitting already. Quit me.

Yet another Flight Attendant Showdown!!

l posted last October a terrifying (is it??) flight incident that happened in Cebu Pacific with their flag marketing campaign on air (here's the LINK to that said post). A comment from another blogger, Shine, gave me an interesting link to another terrifying (yes, VERY terrifying) Flight Attendant gimmick that is an obvious fail.



I agree with other YouTube comments. Kinopya na nga ang gimik, hindi pa maganda! Good job in wearing their mini mini Santa skirts and a backless costume, flag ceremony happened to some maniacs inside the plane. :P

It looks like we are really promoting how gross prostitution is growing in our country. Hindi ka pa man din nakakababa ng eroplano, may mga pokpok na.(I've heard this line from a balikbayan friend who watched the video) This is a harsh comment but yet it is true. No wonder why other people consider the Philippines as one of the biggest fucking girl store in town.

Too bad, SeaAir got their flopped promotion. Yes they are attracting guy passengers to ride them, eerrr, the plane! but then again, SeaAir  management should have thought about another ORIGINAL gimmick.

One more: Kulang na lang maglagay ng pole at nagpole dancing ang mga Santa FA's...